guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
