Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
