woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
