I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
