I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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