How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
