After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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