i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
