This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
