I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
