sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
