The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
