Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
