hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
