I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
