She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
