like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
