the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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