I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Randomize
