take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
