So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
