Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
