I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we're chasing vodka with high fives
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
