You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
