If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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