He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
