I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
