So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
