I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
