She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
