glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
