i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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