There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
