and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
no you cant smoke seaweed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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