You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
