I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
