I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
