A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
false alarm. still invincible.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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