And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
