Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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