her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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