I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
last night I used snow as a chaser
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