Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
