Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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