i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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