He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sext me about skeletons
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
