guys are not supposed to queef...right?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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