dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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