As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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