ya dads aren't the best wingmen
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
