You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
